Tis' the Season....

Soon after basketball and hockey have anointed world champions, another season gets into full swing. With as much drama and excitement as the previously mentioned sports, this season brings us into the fall and right into football. Throughout the spring and summer, one can witness tradition, extravagance, heartbreak and excitement. Some of you may be thinking I am referring to baseball season, but that would be a wrong assumption. My friends, I am talking about the season known as: Wedding Season!!!

No, I am not going to regurgitate the movie, Wedding Crashers, to you. Instead, I just felt like offering up some random thoughts on my experience of going to quite a few weddings this spring/summer as well as the numerous ones in my lifetime.

- The wedding cake only matters to the bride/groom. To the guests, no one really cares what it looks like. It only matters if it tastes good. The cake can frankly look like the volcano in that infamous Brady Bunch episode (where Peter stains the clothes of all those snotty girls) as long as it tastes good. Hell, I will even take a slice of ice cream cake from Carvel WITH the chocolate crunchy stuff (the proper the technical name).

- YES, the Electric Slide is a necessary evil!!! I, frankly, HATE the dance and song. BUT, nothing gets more people on the dancefloor. Young, old, wheelchair-bound, they are all into "Da' Slide". Plus, you can follow up with a dancehall (ie Sean Paul) song and have grandma and grandpa groovin' along side of a young couple grinding with each other. Other songs to revive a dead dancefloor - "I Will Survive" (Nothing gets a party started like single women at a wedding!), "Hot Hot Hot" or some sort of conga line song (You can actually get people at their table and add to the line) and Mark Anthony or Celine Dion romantic song (it is a wedding! Are you expecting a DMX medley?!?"

- During the religious ceremony of a different religion than your own and it is time to pray with your head down, do you ever have the urge to pick your head up and look around? Usually you will find some others doing the same and you will each smile/nod to each other. It is sort of a sense of kinship saying, "Yup, not one of these chosen people...." Although, if you really think about it, it is the same smile/nod that you give to strangers when witnessing a crazy person do something really strange out in public (ie in a train, subway or store). In this case though, you and the other person are actually the strange ones, as the rest of the guests are actually performing the correct rituals.

- Has this conversation ever come up during a hymn/song during the religious ceremony:
Person 1: "Boy, that woman has a great voice. It sure sounds familiar though...."
Person 2: "Shhhhhh...."
Person 1: "Wait, isn't that the voice of Ariel from The Little Mermaid?!?"
Person 2: "Have you even seen The Little Mermaid?!?"
Person 1: "No.... But, I am SURE that is what she would have sounded like!!!!"

- Where in the BOOK OF WEDDING does it say that the ringbearer and flower girl NEED to be little kids? And, have you ever seen ugly kids do it?!? I, for one, have not. But, at the next wedding you attend, please note all the ugly kids in audience of the ceremony that did not make the cut!

- Please do not use pets during the actual ceremony. They are WAY to unpredictable. You think it is cute that "Spike"/"Foo-Foo"/"Any Adjective Stressing Human Qualities" is dressed up in a tux/gown. But, it is not so cute when the dog decides to take a pitstop on the way to the alter to pee on Uncle Louie's leg. Plus, if you are so good at training your pet to do this, spend the same time training it to do something more beneficial - like walking around with the blind!!!!

- The bride/groom should never be embarrassed by the "bad speech". It is never a bad reflection on them. The guests will simply laugh with or at the person actually giving the speech. It does not transfer through relation. BUT, what would be really interesting would be if the DJ/Band starts playing music to cut that person off. It will be like the Oscars when the music starts playing not letting the winner finish their acceptance speech.

- I think it is time for guests to rehearse their bit for the "video wish" to the bride/groom. I assume that the Vegas over/under line for some guy to say the Godfather quote of "I hope your first child will be a masculine child...." is at about 8 per video. I just think there should be some originality thrown into the "video wish". Make it memorable!!!