The other day I was fixing myself a nice bowl of cereal when I actually took a real look at my milk carton. I then proceeded to notice the label "100% Cows Milk" on it. I immediately thought to myself, "Of course it is!!!" while putting the milk back in the refridgerator and then laughing to myself that I was even smart enough to know that.
BUT, as I was sitting there, enjoying my cereal, I thought, "WAIT, why did they need to put that label on the milk?!?" Have I been fooled all this time thinking all the milk we buy in the supermarket is actually 100% cow's milk?!? What other things are people milking these days?!? At the time, Ben Stiller's character in Meet the Parents was funny, but now one of his memorable quotes seemed to echo in my head - "You can milk just about anything with nipples...."
In this processed world we live in, it would not surprise me to learn that possibly the milk we all like to purchase in the supermarket is not 100% cow's milk. Perhaps it is a nice 90% cow's and 10% goat's milk blend. Maybe we should be more aware and start reading milk cartons like they were clothing labels.... In fact, cow's milk might be the new cotton!!! Remember that first time you saw a 25% cotton, 15% silk, 15% rayon, 10% lycra, 10% polyester, 10% wool, 5% acrylic, 5% acetate and 5% nylon t-shirt?!? That was about the time you started humming to yourself, "The touch... the feel... the fabric of our life... Cotton!!!"
Remember, those fabric blends created new care labels as well - No Tumble Dry, Dry Clean Only, Gentle Cycle, Remove Promptly from Dryer, etc. We may soon see labels on "milk blend" cartons such as: No Cooking with Carbohydrates, Consume Cold Only - Do Not Heat, Do Not Stir/Shake as Liquids May Separate, Live Unstable Cultures, etc.
Now, I am still under the belief that the milk sold in supermarkets are still all 100% cow's milk and everything that I am writing will not actually come into fruition. But, performing a search in Google under the many variations of "not 100% cow's milk" or "is it cow's milk" results in some very upsetting websites of people against the milk industry. Don't even get me started on those other websites I found about "cow's milk for cow's; human's milk for human's!!!" Come to think of it, all those sites might simply be pure propaganda by the Tums people. They have been trying to convince us their product is now a "calcium supplement" and not the antacid/stomach reliever they used to convince us it was.
As an aside, if anyone was wondering about the separate New York City sell by dates for milk; YES, it is true that New York City has earlier sell by dates compared to other areas. Long story short, New York City, one of the few in the country, has a stricter dating system for milk (days after pasteurization). OR maybe it is just NYC trying to give yet another reason why it is better than the rest of the country....
Monday, September 04, 2006
Cow's Milk, the New Cotton....
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Tis' the Season....
Soon after basketball and hockey have anointed world champions, another season gets into full swing. With as much drama and excitement as the previously mentioned sports, this season brings us into the fall and right into football. Throughout the spring and summer, one can witness tradition, extravagance, heartbreak and excitement. Some of you may be thinking I am referring to baseball season, but that would be a wrong assumption. My friends, I am talking about the season known as: Wedding Season!!!
No, I am not going to regurgitate the movie, Wedding Crashers, to you. Instead, I just felt like offering up some random thoughts on my experience of going to quite a few weddings this spring/summer as well as the numerous ones in my lifetime.
- The wedding cake only matters to the bride/groom. To the guests, no one really cares what it looks like. It only matters if it tastes good. The cake can frankly look like the volcano in that infamous Brady Bunch episode (where Peter stains the clothes of all those snotty girls) as long as it tastes good. Hell, I will even take a slice of ice cream cake from Carvel WITH the chocolate crunchy stuff (the proper the technical name).
- YES, the Electric Slide is a necessary evil!!! I, frankly, HATE the dance and song. BUT, nothing gets more people on the dancefloor. Young, old, wheelchair-bound, they are all into "Da' Slide". Plus, you can follow up with a dancehall (ie Sean Paul) song and have grandma and grandpa groovin' along side of a young couple grinding with each other. Other songs to revive a dead dancefloor - "I Will Survive" (Nothing gets a party started like single women at a wedding!), "Hot Hot Hot" or some sort of conga line song (You can actually get people at their table and add to the line) and Mark Anthony or Celine Dion romantic song (it is a wedding! Are you expecting a DMX medley?!?"
- During the religious ceremony of a different religion than your own and it is time to pray with your head down, do you ever have the urge to pick your head up and look around? Usually you will find some others doing the same and you will each smile/nod to each other. It is sort of a sense of kinship saying, "Yup, not one of these chosen people...." Although, if you really think about it, it is the same smile/nod that you give to strangers when witnessing a crazy person do something really strange out in public (ie in a train, subway or store). In this case though, you and the other person are actually the strange ones, as the rest of the guests are actually performing the correct rituals.
- Has this conversation ever come up during a hymn/song during the religious ceremony:
Person 1: "Boy, that woman has a great voice. It sure sounds familiar though...."
Person 2: "Shhhhhh...."
Person 1: "Wait, isn't that the voice of Ariel from The Little Mermaid?!?"
Person 2: "Have you even seen The Little Mermaid?!?"
Person 1: "No.... But, I am SURE that is what she would have sounded like!!!!"
- Where in the BOOK OF WEDDING does it say that the ringbearer and flower girl NEED to be little kids? And, have you ever seen ugly kids do it?!? I, for one, have not. But, at the next wedding you attend, please note all the ugly kids in audience of the ceremony that did not make the cut!
- Please do not use pets during the actual ceremony. They are WAY to unpredictable. You think it is cute that "Spike"/"Foo-Foo"/"Any Adjective Stressing Human Qualities" is dressed up in a tux/gown. But, it is not so cute when the dog decides to take a pitstop on the way to the alter to pee on Uncle Louie's leg. Plus, if you are so good at training your pet to do this, spend the same time training it to do something more beneficial - like walking around with the blind!!!!
- The bride/groom should never be embarrassed by the "bad speech". It is never a bad reflection on them. The guests will simply laugh with or at the person actually giving the speech. It does not transfer through relation. BUT, what would be really interesting would be if the DJ/Band starts playing music to cut that person off. It will be like the Oscars when the music starts playing not letting the winner finish their acceptance speech.
- I think it is time for guests to rehearse their bit for the "video wish" to the bride/groom. I assume that the Vegas over/under line for some guy to say the Godfather quote of "I hope your first child will be a masculine child...." is at about 8 per video. I just think there should be some originality thrown into the "video wish". Make it memorable!!!
Monday, February 20, 2006
Disclaimer:
- Please pardon my spelling and grammar. Thanks to SpellCheck, I, like the majority of America, cannot correctly spell nor write the English language anymore. As I cannot even do that, please do not even think I can spell names correctly either.
- Persons/Characters and events (including names) mentioned within this blog are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
- Please do not worship me as a false god.
- Anything written herein cannot be used against me in a court of law. My mind changes pretty quickly. Sometimes I simply say things to "cause trouble". Other times I don't even understand what I am saying. But, most of the time I just say things to crack myself up.
- 100% of any and all money submitted to me (for any reason what-so-ever) will be used on myself. And, I thank you from the bottom of my heart!
- I will not be liable for any "damages" perceived to be caused by content within this site.